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 |  | | Why can't you find your system administrator ? |
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 Posté le: Mer Juil 18, 2007 10:10 pm |
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| Yoka |
| Modérateur |
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| Inscrit le: 19 Juin 2003 |
| Messages: 3046 |
| Localisation: Vesontio |
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Hello,
C'est de l'humour mais réservé aux geeks qui comprennent l'anglais. 
| Citation: | 101 Reasons
Why You Can't Find Your System Administrator
Compiled by the readers of
alt.sysadmin.recovery
* They are hiding under the stairs
* They are on holiday for the first time in 5 years
* They are in the cellars conducting the rituals to keep the machines
running
* They are in hospital suffering from an overdose of caffeine
* Taken away by the police after killing the last user who asked a
stupid question
* "You *have* a system administrator ?"
* Walked past the table they were gibbering under
* The SysAdmin has built a maze with the door to their office at the center
* You *are* the system administrator
* Missed seeing the system administrator asleep under their desk
* The admin is chained to their desk in a dungeon only the CEO has the
key for.
* Having to explain to the management why they need an asistant.
* The admin is suffering so bad from sleep deprivation that they may as
well not be there for all the sense you can make of the words they are
saying.
* You are afraid that the admin will use you as a punch bag so you are
searching for them, but desperately pray that you don't find them.
* The admin came to work disguised as a tea boy to avoid talking to users
* The admin electroculted themselves whilst installing some cabling
near the main power cable. Since the admin's body is the only thing
keeping the power flowing, the management boarded up the body and
pretended they still had a system administrator.
* Stuck in a lift shaft pulling network cable to another floor
* Getting Jolt out of their under-floor cache
* Hiding on the roof
* (S)he's looking up the BOFH excuse of the day.
* (S)he's out buying some caffeine.
* (S)he's busy installing xfishtank on the main fileserver.
* (S)he's out buying refills for the Nerf(TM) crossbow.
* (S)he's locked in the computer room playing Deathmatch.
* Booted to DOS and is playing doom across the network.
* Went to Stop&Go to get ANOTHER case of <insert favorite caffinated
beverage here>
* Went to the room with padded walls that nobody dares open when the door's
closed.
* Managed to find time to sleep for an hour or two.
* Just found out he had a two month old child, and is getting re-aquainted
with his SO (and the new child)
* is playing netrek.
* Is in the hospital after being severly injured by a falling soda can
mountain.
* Is closeted with boss trying to explain why (s)he uploaded a user to
seven.rings.of.hell.com
* (s)he's at the hopital having his/her fingers splinted after typing 100
times NO you cannot use your old address after our domain name changes.
Please go read the announcements that we have been posting for the last
three months.
* (S)he's catching twenty winks under the floorboards, tread gingerly.
* (S)he's watching the building electrician trip a circuit breaker that
will reduce the company 'frame to rainbow colored slag,
* (S)he's out by the turnpike waiting for a case of Jolt to bounce out
of the truck after it hits the speed bump.
* Is out back beating a luser into corn mash who asked "When will the
system be back up" one time too many.
* Finished a double shift and is out back wondering what that big
burning ball in the sky is.
* Is busy packing up to go to a site that has contemporary hardware
* Is engaged in a staring contest with a pack of evil dogs
* Is on the phone trying to talk his wife out of buying a house without
ISDN
* (S)he's sitting under the desk, hysterical at what the (l)user just
asked.
* (S)he's at the pub, it's all *too* much.
* (S)he's standing behind you, holding an axe.
* (S)he resigned in disgust five minutes ago.
* (S)he's in a meeting with the boss to discuss poor user response times.
* Just look up at the ceiling (Think 'Aliens')
* (s)he can't be reached via phone or e-mail becuase (s)he is too busy on
usenet telling everybody how busy (s)he is or thinking up 101 reasons why
(s)he can't be found.
* (s)he is hiding under a table so that (s)he will not be the one
sitting for hours watching Ultrix reinstall from a single-speed CDROM
because the users who inexplicably have root access have destroyed the
filesystem *again* during a misguided attempt to "improve" /etc/rc by
repartitioning the disk at boot time "so that it doesn't forget".
* (S)he's in the bathroom... masterbating
* We have a 'secure room' here - bloody great lock on it. I hide in
there
* The Grey Wall(tm) has fallen on them and no one has noticed their
absence. [clunk,clunk,help!,anyone?]
* They've gone to find some more coffee. Sysadmin has left the building!
* they've snapped, started muttering about "this damned post office",
and left for the nearest gun store
* they're out on an interview
* they're seeing a therapist who doesn't have any computers in their
office, a non-threatening place.
* they've gone to a computer museum to beg for parts for the PDP-10s
running the place (ala Compuserve).
* they're out looking for an ad in any media where DEC mentions OpenVMS
* they're planning where to be on 01/01/2000, when all of the MVS systems,
and some older minis in mission-critical applications like process
control turn to crap. They may be shopping for a bomb shelter if SAC's
launch control systems only have a two-digit year.
* they're at a travel agent's, booking a vacation to friendlier place,
like Iraq.
* they're out fomenting rumors that the Windows 95 cd-roms have the
Church of Scientology's copyrighted teachings hidden on the disk.
* They're meeting with Guido, to put out a contract on the parties that
started the open systems myth.
* They've gone to Oklahoma City, to enroll in the FAA's Air Traffic
Controller training program, to start a less-stressful career.
* They're seeing a commodities broker, to arrange direct deposit of
their paychecks into buying coffee bean futures.
* /pub/lunch
* look better. He/She is probably in the basement somewhere behind the
modem racks.
* _finally_ took a day off.
* It's 9 AM. He/she is not working that late.
* Vendor demonstration
* Convinience store across the street opened
* Pizza delivery is at the front door
* Sleeping under the floor tiles
* On some floor, in some wiring closet, trying to fix things
* In the dumpster behind the building trying to get rid of some frustration
by using a sledgehammer on the Macs.
* Because the trauma induced by repeated attempts to install Solaris 2.5
pre-beta on an Intel system has forced him to seek psychotherapy.
* Still trying to come down from inhaling too much tape head cleaner.
* out chasing the rodents off of the twisted pair/power lines
* gone home to sleep (1st time in x days)
* been convicted of computer crimes (vague reference to randal schwartz)
* what was you're username?
* Emptying the bit buckets.
* They finally caught him/her for that -big site-masacre (s)he thought
(s)he'd gotten away with.
* ObReason n+x: Your system administrator is walking in circles outside
saying "TUESDAY? They want it by TUESDAY? TUESDAY?"
* rcp $FAV_RESTAURANT:$FAV_FOOD /dev/stomach<br>
gurgle gurgle...
* Hiding in wiring closet.
* Outside having a smoke because it's illegal in the building.
* On the roof of the building, contemplating jumping.
* On the roof of the building, contemplating which users to throw off.
* On the roof of the building, contemplating traffic.
* On the roof of the building, contemplating.
* In his/her manager's office, trying to explain why the manager gets
lots of calls from lusers who can't find the sysAdmin.
* (for us part-timers only) In his/her manager's office, trying to explain
why the "real" (programming) work doesn't get done. Manager doesn't
understand -- when he gave you this job, he said it would only take a
couple of hours a week....
* Is in luser's office, trying to explain why "export VAR=xxx" from one
xterm window doesn't have any effect on the other windows. "But they're
all on the same Xstation -- what's the problem?"
* Sysadmin's down in the administrative offices fixing one of their DOS
boxes.
* He's out getting a caffine fix.
* There's more caffeine than blood in his veins, and he was last seen
hopping down the hall pretending he was a pogo stick.
Well the sysadmin is too busy
* 1) playing with the web
* 2) reading news
* 3) sleeping
* 4) reading other peoples email (not that I do this...)
* 5) installing the latest Xgame on the main fileserver... (this is real
cool)
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_________________
Argumenter avec des imbéciles, c'est comme jouer aux échecs contre un pigeon. Peu importe votre niveau, le pigeon va juste renverser toutes les pièces, chier sur le plateau et se pavaner fièrement comme s'il avait gagné. |
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